Adaab-e-Munafiqat Pakistan - Hypocrisy Protocols in Pakistan

After going through the recent Malala's incident, I decided to blog my thoughts .
I am not a pessimist, neither am an extremist (be it liberal or religious) . I just try not to be a hypocrite in Pakistan . If YOU are a Pakistani, then it is extremely difficult to choose a side, either side you choose, you will be labeled as "extremist", but I will call you a hypocrite (munafiq in urdu ).

By Definition hypocrite means

a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs

Very well, Now lets read the Pakistani  version of it

A person who actually by his words and arguments shows the love for country, but when it comes to prove, act, perform, or stand by the words, fails to do so. In other words don't give a shit about the country

 If you are interested in becoming a hypocrite, or want to know the level of your hypocrisy ,or just for the sake of knowledge, I present you Adaab-e-Munaafiqt , Rules or Protocols of Hypocrisy .

1. Make sure you are a Pakistani, you must carry the Green passport
2. Hypocrisy has two kinds 1.Religious 2.Liberal, choose the best that matches your personality
   Lets talk about No. 2 ,first 
3. Call Jinnah a Secular
4. Iqbal is nothing
5. Baluchistan is not the part of Pakistan, and must be separated
6. Shutup when a Drone Strikes, shout when a Taliban does
7. Shutup on Target Killings
8. Every other pious person is a Taliban
9. Pakistan Army is killing innocent people in Northern Areas, but Drones are killing terrorists
10. Use abusive language frequently, this really helps when you are losing an argument
11. Enemies only exist within, there is no insurgency from India and Iran
12. USA is United States Almighty 
13. Freedom of Speech can be used to abuse religion
14. If you are a  Human Rights Activist, don't you dare mention Kashmir . NEVER 
15. Every conversion to Islam is a forceful one

If I continue to mention the rules this will never end, but for starters these are enough. Lets come to the next set of rules, for our Holy Religious People

1. Make sure that every other person is a Kafir, Say it loud or think it in your heart
2. Every person calling himself a Taliban is a true Mujahid and Warrior 
3. Pakistan was made by a Kafir and it should have never been created but make sure you are the 1st in line to call yourself a Pakistani and want to rule this country
4. Never mention Suicide Attacks in your discussions, they are "Fidai" attacks and those who die are doomed to hell
5. Pak Army is Na-Paak Army
6. Don't forget to misuse blasphemy law
7. USA is our enemy, but let the $$$ come, but we can be friends if they provide us with weapons to fight other non-Muslims
8. Never speak up for minority rights
9. Bash USA even for the issues like load shedding, corruption, inflation etc.
10. Fund every Jihaadi organization without knowing who is controlling it
11. Make sure to find a conspiracy in every event
12. Shariah is the law, but make sure you interpret it your way
13. Never speak up for Women rights, Rape, KaroKari, Vani and all the traditions against women
14. While protesting, destroy all the properties, burn everything, block roads to make sure your Holy Message is heard
15. Breaking Country's Law is OK, because you are a religious person and You are superior to everyone.

I hope these Rules are clear and well written. Try to rate yourself on the scale of 1 to 10 in the light of the categories . 

Feel free to call me whatever you like, I take abuses, rant, gaaliyan, fatwas, and all the verbal shit with an open heart 

A (maybe or maybe not) Hypocrite.